January 2017
/Week 1
January 17, 2017
Today, I meditated for 10 minutes at around 6:39 p.m. in my living room.
It was a tough 10 minutes, because I was sitting with lots of emotions. I felt depression, envy, hurt, insecurity, doubt, anxiety, etc. Stories replayed in my head. Planning happened. Near the end, I was able to find a sense of gratitude -- but it was fleeting. Although I had my breath and lovingkindness phrases to ground me, I found it to be a really tumultuous session. But somehow, I am okay with that. I am not okay with all the messy feelings in my life, but I am okay with me being mindful of those things.
I think a klesha theme from this session was avidya, or ignorance.
January 18, 2017
Today, I meditated for 10 minutes at around 11 p.m. in my bed room.
I decided to lie down for my meditation. It was more bearable than yesterday, but it's still difficult to settle my mind. I noticed a lot of thinking, planning, and dreaming. I found myself having to accept where I am, to accept that I have the thoughts I do. It doesn't mean they control me, but they do co-exist with me.
January 19, 2017
Today, I meditated for 10 minutes at around 6:30 a.m. in my bed room.
I had to wake up early because I had an appointment at 8:30 a.m. I don't know if it was because I was still sleepy, but I had a relatively pleasant meditation session. Some thinking, some planning, but it went smoothly. I didn't feel bad about myself for any of the thought clouds that passed by in my mind sky.
January 20, 2017
Today, I meditated for 10 minutes at around 3:30 p.m. in my living room.
It was difficult, but I did do a loving kindness meditation. I sent out loving kindness phrases to myself, to politicians, and to the nation as a whole.
It's easy to want to hate, but I think it's very necessary to practice radical love and push that love toward action.
January 21, 2017
Today, I meditated for 5 minutes at around 9 a.m. in my boyfriend's room.
He was preparing the sign for the Womxn's March we went to in Seattle. I did a lovingkindness practice and offered it to people I knew and people I didn't know. I offered it to the Trump ladies, to my women friends, and to all women of the world.
May you be light. May you be loved. May you be safe. May you live life with ease. That was what I offered. I felt inspired and grateful afterward.
January 22, 2017
Today, I meditated for 5 minutes at around 10 p.m. in my bed room.
I felt restless but happy.
January 23, 2017
Today, I meditated for 5 minutes at around 10 p.m. in my bed room.
It felt peaceful. I was sleepy.
Week 2
January 24, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes at around 3 p.m. in my car.
I felt so many emotions. I was in my car waiting for my bus. In order to calm my anxiety, I tried to say loving kindness phrases. I felt a very small spark of hope and inspiration, but it was quite small. And that's OK. Sometimes meditation is profound, sometimes it's mundane. It's a practice.
January 25, 2017
Today I meditated for 10 minutes at around 10:30 pm in my bed room.
I initially started off with a loving kindness practice. I felt a lot of emotions and loving kindness meditation always helps ground me. And as I was doing that I was also fantasizing and planning and thinking.
At some point I felt distraction, it was as if there is just so much going on. But at some point I realized that I felt a very profound, strong sense of the universe or God. I was able to have the sensation -- this deep knowing that everything was going to be OK, and that I was exactly where I'm supposed to be. I don't often have these revelations while meditating. But I am very grateful that I was able to feel it tonight.
January 26, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes at around 3 p.m. in my bed room.
I did a lovingkindness meditation. It was a relief.
January 27, 2017
I blanked out and forgot to meditate!
January 28, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes in my living room.
I did a visual meditation. I looked at beautiful red flowers my mom made and took in the energy and vibrancy while I meditated. It became a nice focal point as I repeated lovingkindness phrases.
January 29, 2017
I did not do a meditation practice. I felt what happened that day was a mindfulness practice.
January 30, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes in my yoga class.
I led the class through a lovingkindness meditation. I felt at peace with myself.
Week 3
January 31, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes in my yoga class.
Once again, I led the class through a lovingkindness meditation. It feels quite nourishing to the heart to offer lovingkindness meditation. It feels extra nourishing to be sharing this meditation with others, especially young girls whom I identify with a lot.
February 1, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes in my yoga class.
It felt good to do lovingkindness meditation.
February 2, 2017
Today I meditated for 10 minutes at around noon in my living room.
I was somewhat distracted, but I mostly felt blissful.
February 3, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes at around 10:30 p.m. in my bed room.
I was distracted, I noticed feelings of excitement and I was reflecting a lot.
On the 4th, I was distracted. On the 5th, I was distracted. On the 6th and the 7th, I felt tired and stressed. And honestly, some resistance.
Week 4
February 8, 2017
Today I meditated for 9 minutes at around noon in my living room.
Honestly, I felt so much pain. I feel hurt. I feel hurt from both my personal pains and from the collective pain.
I feel hurt. As I meditated, it felt as if a part of me gradually opened up... a box labeled "Hien's Hidden Emotions" came out. I've been in somewhat denial. I realized how disconnected I was to myself. I have feelings I share, and I have feelings I keep buried inside.
I have been working, planning, and expressing myself. But I haven't always been honest in my expressions. I behave as calmly as I can, and I like doing that. But I haven't found an outlet for my hidden emotions. I can't seem to cry it out either. I haven't even begun to investigate what these emotions I have a hard time expressing are... I just discovered from meditation and trying to witness what I was present with, that I hurt.
When I tried to offer myself loving kindness phrases, I didn't feel anything in particular but I kept offering it intentionally.
February 9, 2017
Today I meditated for 10 minutes at around 10 p.m. in my bed room.
I was lying down on my bed. I allowed my thoughts to come and go. I observed a lot of resistance and a sense of exhaustion. I had song lyrics stuck in my head. That happens sometimes. But it was OK. I felt OK with it, because I realized how funny my mind can be.
February 10, 2017
Today I meditated for 5 minutes at around 2 p.m. in my car.
It was right before I had to go in to teach. There was a lot of mind chatter but for the most part, I felt blessed.
February 11, 2017 - I slept all day and forgot
February 12, 2017
Today I meditated for 10 minutes at around 10:40 p.m. in my bed room.
I tried out a visualization meditation that was quite odd, but quite affirming. It included anchoring by imagining myself rooted from the root chakra as well as an insanely powerful affirmation. I feel quite pleased. I feel empowered.
About My Meditation Diary
In late 2015, I started meditating seriously.
I kept a virtual meditation diary too. It was my way to find healing from my depression and to access my inner truth. I feel called to do this again as of early 2017.
Maybe it's because of the political climate. Maybe it's because I feel deep existential dread. Maybe it's because sharing makes me feel less alone. So here I am...